little girl, little girl
by professor lazyass
Summary: suicide. it's a little messed up. / / Jade&Beck \ \ WARNINGS: Extreme angst and suicide.


**Beck Oliver didn't deserve to die the way he did. **

**Jade West didn't either.**

/ /

_(Mommy and Daddy are at it again.)_

"Where were you last night?"

_(Mommy's voice is always soft and pretty and quiet.)_

"Why the hell should you know?"

_(Daddy's is always loud.)_

"Where were you, Richard? Were you at the bar?"

_(There's a pretty little girl with green eyes and brown hair cowering, drowning, in her bed.)_

She whimpers, "Mommy…"

_(Tears fall down like streams across her cheeks,)_

"Daddy…"

There's the slam of a door and a strangled sob.

_(Footsteps, footsteps—who is it, little girl?)_

She's shaking by the time her mother opens the door.

She walks over and lays a hand on her arm,

"Sweetheart…?"

_(Where has Daddy gone?)_

/ /

She learns at a young age that life is _fucking tough._

Mommy works two jobs.

Jade has two lives.

/ /

**Jade West #1 **

A boy that has tanned skin and dark hair and sparkly brown eyes walks over to her and points at the crayon covered paper.

"Is that your daddy?"

The girl nods. He has blue dots for eyes.

_(At the last school they were gray.)_

**Jade West #2**

Mommy kisses her forehead and ruffles her hair, "Love you, bug."

She walks out the door and Jade whimpers.

"Mommy…?"

The babysitter grins at her.

"C'mere…"

"Mommy?"

He grabs her wrist and pulls her; he slams her against the wall.

"Mommy!"

He touches her in places she knows he shouldn't touch.

"MOMMY!"

He slaps her. Hard.

He whispers in her ear, his lip curling up revealing his yellow teeth as she sobs.

"Shut the fuck up, little girl."

She goes to bed, drowning in the sheets again.

_(Footsteps, footsteps—who is it, little girl?)_

The cycle continues.

/ /

At recess the boy comes up to her _again_, this time with a girl. Her hair is brown, littered with bright streaks of plastic hair, connected to plastic barrettes.

The boy sits down next to her.

"Hey Jade."

The weird girl waves.

"I'm Cat."

Jade doesn't answer.

/ /

"Mom?"

Alyssa West lost her jobs.

"Mom?"

Alyssa West lost her hope.

"Mom?"

Alyssa West lost her sanity.

"Mo—"

"WHAT?"

The girl cowers.

"Where are we going?"

Alyssa West sighs, and drops the empty beer can to the cement sidewalk. Her grip tightens on the handle of the suitcase. She lays her free hand on her daughters head.

"_You're _going."

"What?"

/ /

"_Don't worry, it's for the best."_

Liars.

"_Don't worry; you'll see your mother again."_

Liars.

"_Don't worry, everything will be all right."_

Liars.

/ /

Jade West doesn't talk. She doesn't talk to the people at the foster homes. She doesn't talk to the other broken kids at the foster homes.

Jade West doesn't talk.

/ /

She shows the woman the acceptance letter to the arts school.

The woman purses her lips.

"Good job."

/ /

The boy with brown hair _(isn't it pretty long?)_ and tanned skin and sparkly brown eyes comes up to her on the first day of school.

"Hey Jade."

She glares at him and hugs her back pack to her chest.

"Do I know you?"

_(Oh hey, those are the first words she said in a while.)_

"Erm… my name's Beck Oliver? We've had the same classes for the past nine years."

Cat waves at her from the end of the hallway, hair newly dyed. Jade walks off.

She calls over her shoulder.

"Doesn't ring a bell."

_(The name is branded into her brain, actually.)_

/ /

At lunch Beck walks over to them, with that black kid, What's-His-Face.

Beck sits next to her. The other guy sits next to him.

_(Nobody except for Jade ever sits next to Cat.)_

"Hey Jade."

"Oliver."

He smiles at her.

"You finally remembered my name, huh?"

Jade's face stays straight.

"Whatever."

His smile grows wider.

_(It feels as if she is internally bleeding rainbows inside.)_

/ /

"You should go out with me."

"I should what?"

"You should go out with me."

Jade picks at her salad and sighs as Cat and Andre are watching the exchange closely. She looks down at her sleeves and picks at her nails with her thumb.

"Pick me up at eight."

He smiles at her and cautiously lays his hand against hers.

She doesn't pull away and tries not to grin.

_(Oh god, oh god—it's rainbows all over again.)_

/ /

Beck pulls up in front of the hell hole.

Jade doesn't get out of the car.

He grins at her.

"Aren't you gonna leave?"

She doesn't say anything, instead she sits up and grasps onto his red flannel shirt and pulls him down for a kiss.

Electricity doesn't run through her body like she was expecting (_hoping for)_, but when they pull apart and she leaves she can still feel his lips against hers.

She smiles as she walks into her home.

/ /

_(Let's fast forward about two years.)_

She's the star.

She singing and dancing and it's _a m a z I n g._

Beck's in the sidelines, clapping along with everyone else in the crowd and his smile is huge.

The song's over a little too soon but Jade doesn't really care because Beck's spinning her around and she kisses him on the lips and it's all so fucking _perfect. _

Beck puts her down.

_(3, 2, 1…)_

Jade looks out at the crowd, pushing the curtain aside. Her mouth drops open.

Flashes of mean men and beer bottles and suitcases and her screaming for her mother as they pull her into the foster home invade her mind and Jade just wants to throw up or lean against Beck and close her eyes and never open them again because it's—

"Mom…"

She whispers it breathlessly and Beck grasps her hand. He mumbles in her ear, "You okay?"

Jade's mouth and throat are suddenly incredibly dry and all she can do is shake her head before running off.

"Jade!"

She doesn't answer back.

/ /

Jade stops in front of her mother, gasping for air.

"M-mom… what are you… doing..?"

Her mother runs a hand through her hair, silently cursing at herself.

"I'm… I'm not sure… this… this was a fucking mistake, Jade. I'm so sorry, bug."

Jade's heart clenches at the old nickname. Her mother coughs awkwardly, then rifles through her purse and pulls out an envelope.

She clears her throat and hands it to her daughter.

"You'll know when to open it."

And then she leaves _(just like that)_, and a warm hand is on her shoulder. Jade turns around and crumples into Beck's chest as he smoothes down her hair. Jade's grip on the envelope tightens. She doesn't say anything.

She doesn't have to.

/ /

There's a knock at the door. She and Beck pull apart and Jade yells, "Come in!"

It's her foster-father, looking crestfallen and worried, wringing his hands awkwardly in the doorway.

"Jade…" for once he's not yelling, "Your mother committed suicide..."

"What…?"

"Yesterday… there was a gun…" he cleared his throat. "I'm sorry."

He closes the door. Jade stares at it, her mouth open. Beck purses his lips. He takes her hand.

"Jade…?"

She doesn't say anything. She walks up to her desk and pulls out the envelope from the drawer. Beck looks at her worriedly from the bed.

He asks, "Are you gonna read it?"

Jade bites her tongue, trying not to make a smart-ass comment.

She tears it open and unfolds the letter.

_Dear Jadelyn, _

Jade glares at her full name.

_I'm sorry I gave you up those years ago. I had no other choice. I—_

Jade rips the letter in half. She throws the paper in the trash can.

"Of course you had a fucking choice! You didn't have to fucking give me up!"

She's shaking, and she falls to the ground. Beck is at her side in an instant. Jade sobs loudly and she falls into his chest.

"Why…?"

Beck wraps his arms around his girlfriend and buries his nose into her hair.

"I don't know, babe."

/ /

Beck decides that a trip to the beach would be good for Jade, or something. But Cat finds out and obviously everyone ends up going.

A few hours later they're all at some small, secluded beach with a forest close by. As Beck and Robbie go to the store Cat suggests they go for a hike.

Jade raises her eyebrows, "A hike?"

Cat eagerly nods her head, and as Tori and Andre agree, Jade sighs, out-voted.

"Fine…"

"Yay!"

Cat jumps up from the log near the bonfire they had set up. Jade pulled Beck's flannel tighter around her body. It was getting cold.

Cat takes Jade's hand and drags her to the forest, finds and trail made by some locals, and happily walks along.

"Cat, you kind of left Andre and Vega back at the bonfire…"

"Yeah…"

Jade shakes her head.

"Whatever."

Cat keeps on going on about something her brother did, and Jade, already knowing what happens tunes her out, trying not to think of her mother.

A good ten minutes has passed and Jade looks up. Cat is nowhere in sight.

"Shit!"

She looks around frantically, trying to find Cat.

She runs a hand through her hair and takes a step back, stepping on a sharp rock. The tip cut through her thin sandal, cutting her skin. Jade hisses and grabs her foot. She leans against a tree.

"Fuck…"

She punches it with her fist.

"Fuck!"

Jade walks around, long enough for the sky to get dark and the stars to come out. Jade looks up and sees the Big Dipper.

Jade knows it's stupid but she follows it. The Big Dipper always goes north, right? She figures it's better than sitting around and whining about the growing cut on her foot.

Jade walks to the north for the better part of a half an hour. She whimpers. She's so fucking _thirsty_. Her throat feels like sandpaper, and it's worse than the time they all got locked inside the RV.

Her eyelids start to droop, but she pushes herself forward. She hears a twig snap and gasps.

She turns around.

"H-hello…?"

She bites her lip and looks around.

"Hell—"

Her mouth drops open.

It's Tori and Beck. Against a tree. Kissing.

"Beck…?"

She feels a drop of rain fall on her head.

He ignores her.

Jade gives out a raspy scream, "Beck!"

She starts sobbing as they both ignore her. The rain falls harder.

Jade turns around and starts run. Her foot starts to hurt worse and worse and it gets wet and sticky and _oh god, she's bleeding!_

Jade stops and pants, and then she hears the ocean.

She walks forward, about six feet, and steps through the last few trees and bushes. There's a cliff. Jade swallows non-existent saliva as tears stream down her face. She's fucking freezing as hell, and the strong wind and rain isn't helping much at all.

Jade takes a shaky breath and looks over the edge. There's the ocean.

She covers her mouth with her hands, Beck's flannel rubbing against her skin. Should she jump?

_(She does.)_

/ /

She laughs. She's flying, and all she thinks of is the sound of rushing wind buzzing in her ears. She hears a scream (it sounds like Tori,) but doesn't pay attention to it. She's free. Vega can go fuck herself.

But then it's _fucking freezing—ice cold_ and Jade opens her eyes. All she can see is black. She closes her eyes, the water stings them. She terrified, and she opens her mouth in desperation for air but all she gets is more fucking water. Her lungs start to burn and she can't swim against the current and—_fuck she's starting to regret this_ and when she feels as if she can't take it anymore she stops fighting. Jade starts sobbing and then there's the sound of someone jumping in the water and—

"JADE!"

Her eyes fly open, the rain pelts against her skin. Beck's holding onto her, he's crying and Jade doesn't exactly remember what happened. She throws up on the both of them, her throat burning with all of the salt water, and gasps for air multiple times. Beck rinses the both of them off and Jade looks at him as the wind moves his wet hair and she can't remember when he was ever more beautiful. She gives him a tired smile.

Beck holds onto her tightly as he carries her to the beach. The bonfire is long gone, and Cat is bawling her eyes out and Tori's trying to calm her down while Andre yells into his cell phone and Robbie looks between all of them, still holding plastic bags, unsure of what to do. Jade frowns. She feels Beck's heart beating wildly in his chest.

_(What happened again?)_

/ /

Jade slowly opens her eyes. All she can see is white and it's blurry. She has to blink a few times for things to come into focus. She can hear a beeping noise and feel her foot throbbing slightly. She can smell terrible hospital food and she can see… Beck. He's sleeping, one hand holding hers and another holding a cup of coffee. She smiles at him drowsily and pets his head _(is that an IV?)_. She giggles and bites her lip.

"Beck…"

She shoves his head and laughs again, "C'mon Beck…wake up!"

She pouts, her boyfriend still asleep. She rattles his head.

"Beck!"

His head shoots up and she recoils her hand.

"What?"

She laughs and he turns towards her, eyes wide.

"Jade!"

He sets the coffee cup on the table and pulls her into his chest, his arms tight around her. Jade decides she likes how he smells.

She giggles, "Hi, Becky…"

Beck starts crying.

"Fuck, Jade, you scared the shit out of me!"

Jade frowns.

"What'd I do?"

Beck pulls back and holds her at arm's length. He furrows his eyebrows.

"You mean you don't remember?"

She bites her lip and fumbles with his dog tags that match hers. She giggles, "Nope!"

Beck sighs, "Jade you tried to commit suicide…"

Jade frowns, "Why?"

And then Tori walks into the room, smiling at the sight of Jade. Jade gasps. It's all coming back to her.

Her head feels dizzy and extremely heavy at the same time.

"_JADE!"_

_Jade gives out a raspy scream, "Beck!" _

_She starts sobbing as they both ignore her. The rain falls harder. _

"_Cat, you kind of left Andre and Vega back at the bonfire…" _

_She runs a hand through her hair and takes a step back, stepping on a sharp rock. The tip cut through her thin sandal, cutting her skin. Jade hisses and grabs her foot. She leans against a tree. _

"_Fuck…" _

_She punches it with her fist. _

"_Fuck!" _

Jade lunges at Tori.

"THIS IS YOUR ENTIRE FUCKING FAULT!"

Tori gulps and raises her hands up in surrender, "Jade… Jade, _calm down!_"

Beck jumps up and tries to restrain his girlfriend.

"Jade!" he grabs her arms and pins her down to the bed. Jade's eyes widen.

_He whispers in her ear, his lip curling up revealing his yellow teeth as she sobs. _

"_Shut the fuck up, little girl." _

Jade screams, "LET ME FUCKING GO!" She withers and punches at Beck. He turns to Tori. She nods and runs out of the room, trying to find a doctor.

There's about five of them, and they all hold her down as Beck moves out of the way, panting. He looks at Jade worriedly as a doctor pulls out a syringe.

She screams, "NO! NO, STOP—"

She get's cut off. They jab the needle into her arm and she quiets down, her eyes glaze over and Jade passes out. Beck bites his tongue, trying not to cry.

_(Night, night—little girl…)_

/ /

She goes back to school a few weeks later, her foot and mind somewhat healed. People whisper and stare at her.

"_Didn't you here? She had to wear a __**straight**__ jacket!" _

"_Yeah, man. She's fucking crazy." _

"_I heard she tried to jump off a cliff after hallucinating about Oliver and Vega…"_

"_Dude! No way, man. She's fucking whipped to an __**extreme.**__" _

"_No kidding." _

Beck grips her hand tighter and she smiles, her head down. She squeezes his hand back.

_(Love you too.)_

/ /

Beck dies in a car crash. He's on his way to grab Jade's medicine from the hospital when some drunk driver rams into him. He dies on impact. It's a hit and run, nothing special. But it means the world to Jade.

Lane pulls her out of class. He whispers it in her ear. She punches him in the face and runs out of the building.

/ /

She doesn't say anything when she goes to the hunting supply store. Jade West doesn't like to talk. She doesn't say anything to the employees when they look at her strangely, she doesn't reply when they yell at her, telling her to come back after she stole a gun.

Jade West doesn't like to talk.

Not anymore.

/ /

Jade races down the road, not giving a damn about the fucking speed limit. She's shaking but she drives anyway. She doesn't know where she's going.

/ /

She finds herself at the same beach in the same forest on the same cliff in a half an hour. She loads the gun and hears sirens screaming in the background. She puts the gun to her head. She's shaking so hard she can't pull the trigger. She glares at no one in particular, and throws the gun in the ocean.

She screams.

"SCREW IT!"

She jumps.

/ /

She's flying. And she's smiling again and then she's laughing, even when it's freezing cold and her lungs start catching on fire. She welcomes the pain. She embraces it. She opens her eyes and ignores the sting.

She watches pitch black turn into her mother's smile and then Cat's giggle and then the group all together at lunch. She smiles and then it turns into Beck and her and it's all a-okay.

Jade West didn't deserve to die the way she died.

_(Little girl, little girl—she can't hear anymore footsteps on the ground.)_

/ /

**A/N: This is the longest thing I've ever written. 13 pages and 3,048 words (excluding the AN.) **

**I'm just so fucking excited about this. I'm just… fuck. I don't even know what to say, okay? This may not be the best but whatever. **

**REVIEW?**


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